from me. And woe is all that I can bring to anyone …? For, when you come to think of it, to whom have I ever brought any satisfaction all my life long? To no one! And I’ve had dealings with a great many people, too…. I’m a rotting man.”
“That’s nonsense….”
“No, it’s true!…” and he 杭州养生按摩 nodded his head with conviction.
I tried to convince him of the contrary, but from my remarks he drew still greater certainty as to his unfitness for life.
Altogether, he had begun to undergo a swift, sharp change from the moment of the affair with Kápka. He became meditative, lost his interest in books, did not work with his previous ardor, became taciturn and reserved.
During the intervals of freedom from work, he lay down[Pg 149] on the floor, and stared fixedly at the vault of the ceiling. His face grew thin, his eyes lost their 杭州桑拿水疗会所 clear, childlike brilliancy.
“Sásha, what’s the matter with you?” I asked him.
“My drunken spree is coming on,” he explained simply.—”I shall soon let myself loose … that is, I shall begin to gulp down vódka…. I’m all on fire inside, already … like a burn, you know…. The time has come ..杭州爱情故事spa正规么 . if it hadn’t been for that same story, I might have been able to hold out a little longer. But that affair is eating me up…. How so? I wanted to do good to a person, and—all of a sudden—it turns out entirely wrong! Yes, brother, a rule for one’s deeds is very necessary in life…. And couldn’t such a set of rules be invented, so that all men might act like one, and everyone might understand the others? For it is utterly impossible to live at such a distance from one another! Don’t the wise people understand, that order must be 杭州足浴用品批发市场 established on the earth, and men must be brought to a clear knowledge?… E-ekhma!”
Absorbed in these thoughts as to the indispensability of a rule of life, he did not listen to my remarks. I even noticed that he seemed to hold somewhat aloof from me. One day, after listening for the hundredth time to my 杭州洗浴桑拿project for reorganizing life, he appeared to become enraged with me.
“Well, devil take you…. I’ve heard of that before…. The point doesn’t lie in life, but in man. The first thing is … the man
… do you understand? Well, and there’s nothing more to it…. So, according to you, it appears, that until all this has been made over, man, all the same, must remain just as he is now. Also…. No, you make him over first, show[Pg 150] him his way…. Let things be bright and not cramped for him on the earth—that’s what you must seek 杭州油压按摩哪家好 after for man. Teach him to find his path…. But that stuff of yours is … mere fiction.”
I retorted, he waxed hot or grew surly, and exclaimed weariedly:
“Eh, do stop!”
One day it chanced that he went away in the evening, and did not return at night to work, nor the following day. In his place, the proprietor made his appearance with a troubled face, and announced:
“Our Leksákha has gone off on a carouse. He’s sitting in ‘The Little Wall.’ We must hunt up a new baker….”
“But perhaps he will recover himself?!”
“Well, of course, just wait